Every child can wear a princess dress

Exploring gender through play helps children question stereotypes.

Are you in a hurry? Here is a quick summary.

• This piece is about how children discover gender through play.

It is a normal and healthy part of children’s learning and development, helping them make sense of the world and define who they are.

• As an early childhood educator, you play an important role in giving children an accepting, open-minded understanding of gender from day one. This lays the groundwork to help them challenge gender stereotypes for the rest of their lives.

• You can find resources to help you talk to parents about all of this, because sometimes it can seem more complicated to people than it really is. In addition, you will get ideas on how you can take a more progressive and stronger approach to gender education in your own learning environment.

You probably have some clothes in your toy drawer that are

“just for girls”.

Of course you don’t think so.

But somewhere far away, a team of toy designers and their sales department (not to mention a mountain of sexist social norms) decided that pink, sparkly dresses were for girls.

But the next generation doesn’t have to think the same way.

In your early childhood princess dress, you probably saw a three-year-old boy go to the dressing area, put on a dress and announce that he would be a princess for the rest of the day.

You may not know how to answer. Are you saying something? What if the parents find out and get angry? Is this normal for young children? Who really decides what is “normal”?

If tackling this topic seems a bit tricky for you, that’s understandable. But it really doesn’t have to be that scary. Exploring gender is a normal part of children’s play

. After all, children use play to figure out how the whole world works—so why shouldn’t gender be a part of it?

Admittedly, it may take some work and a shift in thinking to see things this way. Today we’re going to look at how (and why) we should create more space for games that challenge gender stereotypes in early education.

And we start by taking off the adult glasses.

Discovering gender is part of the game

Playing is the best tool for children to understand the world. In this way, they process new concepts and explore unfamiliar roles or situations.

So as children begin to learn about gender and how it affects our self-esteem, it’s only natural for them to process these concepts through play.

Seeing boys wearing something stereotypically feminine, such as a princess dress, is an example of gender nonconforming play.

Children may only explore it a few times or it may be an everyday thing for them. Maybe they just like the texture of the fabrics, or they wonder what it “means” to be a boy or girl (or anyone else). Regardless, it is a normal part of children’s play. But with our adult brains,

we can make it all seem more complex than it is. Jamie Solomon, an educator and preschool director who has studied early childhood gender education for years, explains that it’s our over-analysis of adults that makes this a problem in the first place.

“Children experiment with and explore everything. Just as they are curious about how a car works, they are also curious about the different types of people, the things we do and what we wear.

This exploration may have something to do with gender. As adults, we can often interpret children’s princess dress actions through an adult lens and jump to conclusions.

Why good early childhood gender education is so important

Our first five years are the years when we develop our basic understanding of how the world works and our place in it.

Decades of research suggest that children internalize gender stereotypes in their first year of life and understand them well by age three or four. You’ve probably heard something like “Boys shouldn’t wear dresses!”

As an early childhood educator, you have a great influence on children’s acceptance and openness

• What interests us

• What we think we can do or should do

• How we think we should behave

• How we build relationships with each other

Taking action to challenge the stereotypes around us can be scary. But as Jamie says: Every first step is good.

“I think our fear often prevents us from diving into this topic with children. But if you wait until you’re ready or prepared for every question and conversation that comes up, you’ll never get started,” she says.

“You have to accept that this learning process is messy, otherwise you’ll say things that sound stupid and stumbling over some things is part of the process.”

Let’s look at the influences we give to children

If you notice that children are repeating learned gender stereotypes,

it is worth gently correcting them immediately. But if you really want this lesson to stick in your mind, you should consider changing your learning environment.

Dr. Janice Kroeger of Kent State University, who has decades of experience researching gender identity in early education, points out that many educational materials can inadvertently reinforce stereotypical ideas about what boys and girls should be.

Here’s how you can do it in your own classroom:

• “You could play with a cone as a doll if you wanted, but it could also be a house, a wand, a hammer or a spoon,” says Janice. “Natural, open materials often allow for more creative play than with a barbie doll.”

• Buy more bulk fabrics instead of suit clothes in your dress-up corner. A piece of pink fabric doesn’t serve the same gendered purpose as a factory-made princess dress, leaving the kids to decide how they want to play with it. Plus, you can easily get cheap stuffed toys at thrift stores or by reusing old towels or bedding.

• Read children’s books that challenge stereotypes. Stories are a great way to start a conversation, and the stories provide an example for children to apply to situations in their own lives.

1. Ogilvy by Deborah Underwood – Ogilvy the rabbit goes to a new school where there are lots of rules about what rabbits can wear and how they can play. At first Ogilvy doesn’t fit in, but then they show the other bunnies that clothes don’t make bunnies.

2. A Fire Engine for Ruthie by Leslea Newman – A story about how Ruthie enjoys playing with fire engines and other “boy toys” despite her grandmother wanting her to play with dress up clothes and dolls.

3. Paper Bag Princess by Robert Munsch – This fairy tale flips the stereotypical gender balance and tells the story of a heroic princess who searches for a helpless prince.

Talk to parents about gender and stereotypes

When it comes to creating space for genderless play,

we need to consider another piece of the puzzle: parents.

The ‘what if’ worry of how parents might react can often hold us back. Perhaps you are afraid that the parents will say something or that you will be drawn into conversations where you do not have all the answers.

There is simply no clear, simple answer to this – gender identity and challenging stereotypes are complex issues. But when Jamie Solomon starts a conversation like this, it points out that it’s not just about explaining what you do. It is even more important to take the time to listen, she says.

 “We have to listen, hear parents’ fears and concerns and really try to understand where they’re coming from because it’s only way they will understand our perspective.”

When you have these conversations with parents, these three things can be helpful:

• A statement of values or beliefs. Many early childhood education institutions now have an official statement on inclusion and equality as part of their activities. Reference to this policy may help explain the “why” of encouraging gender non-conforming play.

• Explain gender as part of the game. As we mentioned earlier, adults can often overanalyze the whole thing with our adult brains.

• More gender-neutral learning materials. Replacing gender-sensitive toys with natural materials can ease parents’ concerns while giving children room to play and explore as they wish.

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